تصحیح رایتینگ آیلتس تسک 2-The shopping habits of people
Write about the following topic:
The shopping habits of people depend more on their age group than on any other factors.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Many people argue that age is a more powerful determinant of individuals’ shopping habits than other factors. I completely agree with this opinion because it can profoundly influence shopping habits through generational vogues and technological adaptation.
The primary reason why age wields more influence on individuals’ shopping habits is because of generation-specific fashion and trends. Each age group belongs to a specific fashion and trend, which exerts enormous influence on their shopping habits. In simple words, particular lifestyles and preferences evolve as people age; this in turn creates a profound impact on their shopping habits. In consequence, individuals from different age groups put emphasis on different priorities while making a decision on purchase. Someone in their twenties, for example, may give more focus on fashionable or trendy clothes, while someone in their forties gives a high priority on quality and durability.
Another compelling reason why shopping habits are largely formed by age is technological adaptability. Age can also deeply influence shopping habits through technological adaptability. That is to say that every generation has its own pace of adoption of technological advances, which also wields influence on building their particular shopping habit. For instance, people who grew up with digital technology tend to buy from online platforms using digital payment methods. They are usually comfortable embracing the latest technologies, like smart home appliances or voice assistant devices, therefore influencing their buying habits. In contrast, older people who may be less comfortable with technology are more likely to purchase from conventional brick-and-mortar stores.
To conclude, I believe that age is a more crucial factor in shaping how individuals shop because different age groups have different levels of fashion trends and technological adaptation.
### Error Analysis
1. **Grammar and Usage Errors:**
– “Each age group belongs to a specific fashion and trend” – It should be “specific fashions and trends” to indicate multiple trends per age group.
– “give more focus on fashionable or trendy clothes” – It should be “focus more on fashionable or trendy clothes.”
– “gives a high priority on quality and durability” – It should be “gives higher priority to quality and durability.”
2. **Repetition and Redundancy:**
– “Age can also deeply influence shopping habits through technological adaptability” is repeated. The sentence could be rephrased to avoid redundancy.
– “That is to say that every generation has its own pace of adoption of technological advances” – This phrase is repetitive and can be simplified.
3. **Lexical Resource:**
– “generation-specific fashion and trends” – More precise language could be used, such as “age-specific fashions and trends.”
– “enormous influence on their shopping habits” – A more varied vocabulary could enhance the writing, e.g., “significant impact on their purchasing behavior.”
4. **Coherence and Cohesion:**
– The transitions between paragraphs are clear, but the essay could benefit from more cohesive devices to connect ideas better.
– The introduction and conclusion reiterate the main points well, but they could be further developed to reinforce the argument.
5. **Task Response:**
– The response addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear stance and supporting arguments.
– However, the essay could include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the arguments.
### Analysis in Terms of IELTS Criteria
1. **Task Response (TR):**
– The writer has a clear position and addresses the task well, providing relevant reasons and examples. However, more specific and varied examples would enhance the response.
– **Score:** 7
2. **Coherence and Cohesion (CC):**
– The essay is logically organized with clear topic sentences and paragraphs. Some minor improvements in the use of cohesive devices would increase clarity.
– **Score:** 7
3. **Lexical Resource (LR):**
– The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied but could be enhanced with more precise and diverse word choices.
– **Score:** 6.5
4. **Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):**
– The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with occasional errors that do not impede meaning.
– **Score:** 7
### Estimated Band Score: 7
Overall, the essay is well-structured and clearly addresses the task, with minor grammatical errors and some repetition. With more varied examples and refined vocabulary, the essay could achieve a higher score.
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