تصحیح رایتینگ آیلتس جنرال 1

You have recently moved to a new city and discovered that a sports club you are interested in joining is near your home. Write a letter to the club manager inquiring about the club’s facilities and membership options. In your letter:

• Introduce yourself and explain your interest in the club.

• Ask about the club’s facilities and any classes or activities offered.

• Inquire about the membership options and prices.

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Ahmad Razavi and I have recently move to this city from my hometown. I am writing to express my interest in joining your sport club which is very close to my new home. I have always enjoy being active and participating in various sports.

I would like to know more about the facilities that your club offers. Specifically, I am interest in knowing if you have a gym, swimming pool, and any sports courts. Also, do you offer classes for different sports or fitness activities? For example, yoga, tennis or swimming lessons?

Furthermore, I would appreciate if you could provide me with informations regarding the membership options available. Are there different types of memberships, such as monthly or yearly, and what are the respective prices? Do you offer any discounts for families or students?

Thank you for your time and assistance. I look forward to hear from you soon.

Yours sincerely,
Ahmad Razavi

Comments:

• Subject-Verb Agreement:

  “I have recently move to this city” should be “I have recently moved to this city”.

• Tense Errors:

  • “I have always enjoy being active” should be “I have always enjoyed being active”.

• Spelling Errors:

  • “I am interest in knowing” should be “I am interested in knowing”.

  • “informations” should be “information”.

• Missing Articles:

  • “joining your sport club” should be “joining your sports club”.

• Word Choice:

  • “hear from you soon” should be “hearing from you soon”.

• Grammar:

  • “Specifically, I am interest in knowing if you have a gym, swimming pool, and any sports courts” should be “Specifically, I am interested in knowing if you have a gym, a swimming pool, and any sports courts”.

• Punctuation:

  • “Thank you for your time and assistance” could use a comma after “time” for clarity.

• Pluralization:

  • “Do you offer classes for different sports or fitness activities?” is correct, but could be more clearly worded.

Comments on the Sample IELTS Band 5.5 Letter:

#### Task Achievement:
– **Score: 5.5**
– The letter addresses all parts of the task by introducing the writer, expressing interest in the club, asking about facilities and classes, and inquiring about membership options and prices. However, the response could be more detailed and specific to fully achieve the task. For instance, asking about the quality or availability of trainers could add more depth to the inquiry.

#### Coherence and Cohesion:
– **Score: 5.5**
– The letter follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs for different aspects of the inquiry. However, some sentences could be better connected to improve the flow. For example, using more linking words (e.g., “Additionally”, “Moreover”) and ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly would enhance coherence. The letter could also benefit from a stronger closing statement that reiterates the main points.

#### Lexical Resource:
– **Score: 5.5**
– The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, but there are some repetitive words and phrases (e.g., “interest in”, “knowing”). Additionally, there are some incorrect word choices (“informations” instead of “information”). Using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring words are correctly chosen would improve this area. For example, synonyms for “facilities” and “activities” could add variety.

#### Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
– **Score: 5.0**
– The letter contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, tense, and sentence structure. There are also spelling errors and incorrect word forms. Correcting these errors would significantly improve the grammatical accuracy. Demonstrating a wider range of sentence structures, such as using complex and compound sentences, would enhance the grammatical range.

### Summary for Improvement:
To improve the letter to a higher band score, the writer should:
1. Ensure all verbs agree with their subjects and are in the correct tense.
2. Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and correct any word choice errors.
3. Enhance coherence and cohesion by using linking words and ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs.
4. Focus on grammatical accuracy by proofreading for errors and using a variety of sentence structures.